I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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