I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
try to milk me bitch
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