Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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