it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
