he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
that is very illegal...i love you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
