coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I believe in your delicious
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
