the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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