Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
