Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
