You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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