On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
