get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ttyl tear gas
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
