he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
