Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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