you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize