i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
