Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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