can u get pink eye on your cock?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
