For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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