The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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