i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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