do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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