Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
