In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
