One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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