When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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