Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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