finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
