dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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