Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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