I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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