i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
