Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
