How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
