I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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