its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
