hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
