he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She even gives head with a lisp.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
