Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
