Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
