Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
