Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
