it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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