I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
