So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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