i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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