my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
