it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
