theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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