come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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