I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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