ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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