i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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