your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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