Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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