I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
