I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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