my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
