I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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