i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize