Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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