She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
