just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I deserve this hangover.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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