I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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