Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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