I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
50% drunk capacity currently
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
