No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
