i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
