yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize