his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
