i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
