That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
