remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
