I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
