I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
