I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
