My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you win again, gameday.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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