I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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